these things are transitory

i have a myspace and a livejournal, but i feel stifled in both places. even though those are "my spaces", i feel like i have to write for my audience. there are things that i want to write about but don't, because i know who will be reading. it sucks for me, because in the end, those things never get out. they just sit and stagnate, and i am tired of that.
there is too much history on livejournal. i've been so many different people there (proof, i suppose that i have changed), that it seems . . . useless, maybe, to "start fresh". i changed my username once, but nothing really changed. i don't really even blog there anymore, just keep up with people. as for myspace, it is mostly my audience that troubles me. chris reads, samantha reads. kristine reads, kristina reads. i want to write about things that i have already written about, but feel like going over once more, and i hate the thought that someone is reading that and rolling their eyes, thinking that i should move on, already.
so here i am. i haven't decided if i will keep this totally private, or if there are certain people i'll share the link with. only time will tell.

i have been writing a lot more on paper lately, and i guess that is because of the lack of free space. the good thing about it is that i'm getting out those thoughts exactly as i think them, without embellishment or editing. i like that. i would continue to do that and scorn the internet, but i'm so leery of paper journals and i often get tired of how long it takes to write one thing when i could have written 10 by computer in that same amount of time.

i honestly hope that this will turn out better.